The Wonderful Life of Daniel Lambert

Living With A Retard

Daniel Lambert — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:16:44 +0000

Guess what? I live with a retard!

Honest no lies I do live with a retard. He goes by the name of Sam and is my 18 year old brother. He can be pretty annoying and we get in a lot of fights but deep down I love him So, I know your thinking well it’s a normal brother love/hate relationship and calling him a retard is not nice but he really is! This is what makes him a retard:

He has a mental age of a 5 year old.
Has obsessions with things such as blinking.
Eating Disorder, could and would eat for the whole of England.
Like a child changes his job ambitions daily, one day he wants to be a writer, the next a police officer and so on.
Learning Difficulties.
Every time I do something he tells our Mum.
Steals peoples food and blames it on the Dog.
Has fears of walking around our nice area but will walk around a rough area at like 5am.

Yep his truly a retard and I have to put up with him on a day to day basis, I guess I have got used to him…

P.S. He was fine with this blog post or so he said…

Further Education

Daniel Lambert — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:52:49 +0000

My Mum keeps nagging me to go on to some kind of further education such as Sixth Form which for those not in the UK is a place you go to to get A Levels which is some qualification in the UK. I don’t really want to go but my Mum wants me to as she wants me to have a good job and such but the A Level courses offer don’t relate to what I want to do.

What I want to do is run my own online business, I plan to start my own blog which I believe I can make a big success and right now am working to raise the captital to start that blog. If the blog didn’t work out I would persue a carrer as a Website Developer where I could work at home anyway and the Sixth Form courses offered doesn’t have anything specific for Web Dev and even if they did I’m 100% sure they would just teach us how to make a table based site in Dreamweaver.

So, until I have this blog up and making money and my Mum can see that I’m doing it I will just have to put up with her constant nagging and maybe even move out as she doesn’t want me living her unelss I go to Sixth Form or get a job.

Oh Wonderful MySQL

Daniel Lambert — Thu, 28 May 2009 12:04:33 +0000

MySQL is confusing me a bit now. The book I’m reading is doing examples like:

mysql> explain select customers.name from customers, orders, books, order_items where customers.customerid = orders.customerid and orders.orderid = order_items.orderid and order_items.isbn = books.isbn and books.title like “%Java%”\G

and I am getting results like:

*************************** 1. row ***************************
id: 1
select_type: SIMPLE
table: order_items
type: index
possible_keys: PRIMARY
key: PRIMARY
key_len: 17
ref: NULL
rows: 6
Extra: Using index
*************************** 2. row ***************************
id: 1
select_type: SIMPLE
table: orders
type: ALL
possible_keys: PRIMARY
key: NULL
key_len: NULL
ref: NULL
rows: 5
Extra: Using where; Using join buffer
*************************** 3. row ***************************
id: 1
select_type: SIMPLE
table: customers
type: eq_ref
possible_keys: PRIMARY
key: PRIMARY
key_len: 4
ref: books.orders.customerid
rows: 1
Extra:
*************************** 4. row ***************************
id: 1
select_type: SIMPLE
table: books
type: eq_ref
possible_keys: PRIMARY
key: PRIMARY
key_len: 13
ref: books.order_items.isbn
rows: 1
Extra: Using where
4 rows in set (0.00 sec)

I think I get the query which is basically getting the name of a customer whos book order contains the word “Java” in the title and the query is doing many joins to find the data. The result back from the explain statement is confusing me, the book explains it but I don’t really get it. Does anyone actually see me using this type of SQL for database powered web apps, this is more MySQL admin stuff.

How to kill a conversation

Daniel Lambert — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:11:05 +0000

I”m sure I am not the only person who has got into an online conversation with someone which just won’t end. These conversations are rather boring and dull however the other person just wants to keep it alive and keeps talking so you reply just not to be rude.

I had this dilemma and successfully managed to finish a three day online conversation last night. Now, it’s harder when these conversations take part via Email, Twitter or Facebook as you can’t just say “Oh I got to go to dinner now” or something of the sort like you would on MSN and then just block and avoid that person. What you need to do is kill the conversation yes that’s right kill it.

How? Very simple you ask a question which can either take a yes or no answer for example I decided to kill it by asking if the person watched EastEnders, now they can only reply yes or no. Luckily my person replied no and I ended the convo by saying “oh ok”. Yep, it’s sorted now I won’t be getting into a conversation with that person again

What if the person says yes? Hmm I suggest you lie to them, don’t reply and say your Internet connection was down, I have done this a number of times to avoid conversations with someone. I know it may seem rude but it’s really the nicest thing to do instead of just saying “Your boring don’t talk to me!”.

So, people how do you kil a convo?

My 5 Tried And Tested Ways To Lose Friends

Daniel Lambert — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:40:40 +0000

Sometimes I have had a lot of friends and sometimes I have had little. When joining my new School I kept my head down for the first year and did my best to get on with people but then work up one morning and decided to do the following:

Complain – Complain about everything from the weather, someone, TV, news and even how badly cut the grass is.
Criticise – Criticise every single action someone makes, just do it and not in a constructive manner.
Don’t Smile – Never smile and I mean never!
Don’t Listen – Who cares what the other person is saying? Just butt in through their sentences and don’t listen at all.
Play the blame game – Don’t expect it could have been you that made a mistake instead blame it on someone else.

Yep, follow these and very soon no one will wan’t to be around you. RESULT!!!

Nothing better to do….

Daniel Lambert — Wed, 27 May 2009 06:00:50 +0000

Sine I am on Study Leave my day is spent like this:

Do some programming
Twitter/Email
Facebook
Taking the mick out of people on MSN

Most of my time is spent on MSN just pissing about. I take the mick out of people, add random girls and chat to them and then take the piss out of someone to them then I add said person so the girl is like “Eww you perv” and I laugh while he goes “WTF!”

Yep I’m sad….

Learning SQL

Daniel Lambert — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:15:28 +0000

That’s right I am currently learning SQL. Not because I plan to do any heavy database administration however to be able to write good database driven web apps it’s essential to know SQL so I can write efficient and fast queries.

The Sams PHP and MySQL Web Dev book I am reading covers SQL and I learned a lot from it and have more to read but it can all get a bit confusing that’s why I’m currently reading through the W3Schools SQL tut so I can get it in simple terms and straight up front if you understand what I mean.

SELECT * FROM whorules;

Result:

id | first_name | last_name

1 | daniel | lambert

The names Daniel Lambert……

Daniel Lambert — Tue, 26 May 2009 11:44:27 +0000

That guy on the right well that’s me. As you can see I’m clearly overweight and have tree trunks for legs but hey at least I’m a sharp dresser

If you haven’t realised I was joking then I feel insulted I’m not that fat! Anyways to the point I guess well my name is Daniel Lambert and I am 16 years old, live in the UK and go by the name of My220x online. I am into Web Dev and making money online and really just started this blog so I could share my thoughts and let out a little steam. So yeah